Vienna Pharaon | Mastering Relationships

Building a Relationship Toolkit To Last a Lifetime

Here’s a slice of reality: people doing great things in the world often decided very early to do their thing because of their life experience. Vienna Pharaon is no different. She was initially drawn to marriage and family therapy because of her experience being the child of a very difficult divorce.

“I’ll never let this happen to me.” she told her child self.

Divorce itself isn’t an entirely unique situation today, but Vienna also had the rare opportunity to see her divorced parents repair their relationship and become friends again.

This reconciliation between her parents helped her transition from the attitude of ‘running from something’ she feared to ‘going towards’ the outcome she wanted.

It’s a subtle difference, and one that would prove valuable in her life and professional family therapy practice.

This experience helps explain why Vienna is so damned good on the following topic.

Can We Really Triumph Over Our Past Conditioning?

The short answer is yes, but we must begin with self-awareness and relational awareness. So much of what we do — by some estimates as much as 95% — is simply a program. Our subconscious mind is in control. We don’t stop, give each moment careful consideration and choose the best course of action.

Until we do.

Much like our last podcast guest, David Bayer, Vienna advocates training oneself to learn how to choose a new story when given the option between running the old program and living out the new story.

She calls it…pausing…

Every moment in a relationship — especially conflict — is an opportunity to either live out our subconscious programming or live the new story we’ve chosen.

Mastering relationships is a practice that necessarily lasts a lifetime. But pausing is the meta-skill that allows anyone to halt old patterns of behavior and live into new ones.

Vienna’s insights into overcoming subconscious conditioning was only one part of this epic podcast on relationships. Let’s take a look at some of the other major strokes of genius.

The Short Version

  1. The impact of dating in a technological age with too many choices
  2. The most common issues in relationships
  3. What a ‘family system’ is and why is’t so important to self-understanding and dating
  4. Why most of us avoid conflict in relationships and how that might be subtly sabotaging us
  5. The trigger points that cause rifts in a relationship
  6. How to let your partner know they’re a priority while still taking time for yourself
  7. Translating messages — why we often feel like we’re having two different conversations
  8. Why complaints and criticisms are signs of an emotional need being unmet
  9. How therapy helps you lead a vibrant life
  10. So much more..
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